Rap Monster releases 'Always'

[in-noctem.livejournal.com]

Produced by RM

Arranged by Pdogg

I worked on this the beginning of last year and only did a simple recording.

When I was going through a tough time, I didn’t want to just let that feeling go so I recorded it.

Thankfully, I’m feeling a lot better now!

Even though the feeling has passed, I felt like it was a waste to throw away this song so I’m sharing it.

I wanted to edit it and clean it up a bit more but

I didn’t, so I could leave it as it was back then.

Because when you’re sad, a sad song can make you feel a lot better.

Happy 2017 ! !

One morning, I opened my eyes

And wished that I was dead
I wish someone killed me
In this noisy silence
I live to understand the world
But the world didn’t once understand me, why
No, the other half is missing*
It’s trying to hurt me
I miss me miss me baby
I miss me miss me baby
I wish me I wish me baby

Wish I could choose me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest

Yet it’s not working out
Always
Always
Always
Always
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)

Always (I lost my all ways)

If I ever meet God, I would tell him this

That life is coffee that I never ordered
I would grab him by the collar and tell him
Death is an americano you can’t refill
Are you sure that you’re alive
Then, let’s prove it somehow
When I exhale, there’s breath**
On the window, there’s condensation
You are dead
You are dad, but you are dead
Dead dad you don’t listen to me

Dad please listen to me

Why is it that I’m being so earnest

Yet it’s not working out
Always
Always
Always
Always
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)
Always (I lost my all ways)

Always (I lost my all ways)

(T/N: * The effort from the world is the half that is missing
   

        ** When breath is visible in the cold.)

source: bangtan soundcloud; trans by Jessie @ bts-trans 1, 2

I'm surprised this wasn't posted. But anyway, between this and Yoongi's mixtape subject, it really gives a bleak view of what the boys and probably lots of other idols go through in general but don't have the platform/freedom to voice it out.

Comments

[happydirections.livejournal.com]

the lyrics are so heavy and dark... yet i'm really glad he shared this because i can relate to it. i'm happy that he specified that's he's doing better now. it's been noticeable in his behaviour this year. i always worried about him since his fancafe posts used to be pretty dark in which he spoke about loneliness, not loving himself, crying etc. his lyrics and the way he worded his thoughts (and sometimes still does) dealth with those themes too. i'm just really happy he's in a better place.

yoongi talking about namjoon and him still crying and being worried (after they won their daesang in their bangtanbomb) with the succes they already have proves that it never really stops, the insecurity. especially for those like them who have personally and mentally been dealing with heavy struggles. these idols have so much pressure put on them by others and themselves.

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

I'm in a really stressful situation rn because of my master thesis, and under a lot of pressure from professors, but also from myself... Plus, i couldnt go back home this year for the holidays because of my research, and the past 2 weeks have been so shitty. I normally try to be very positive and think about the good things i have in life, nut this hit a little bit too close to home and now im crying in the middle of a freaking McDonalds in Tokyo, wtf...

I hope i can get over it soon like you managed to do, Namjoon.

[kobrakiddo.livejournal.com]

Hugs bb. :') I totally understand what post-grad stress is (cause I"m undergoing similar stress as well, but at least home is a lot nearer to me). Cheer up and things will be fine ! ❤

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

Thanks bb! <3 I guess i'll just go home for now and get something to eat before i try to squeeze more info out of my brain into the paper... I'm kind of scaring the poor Japanese dudes working on their own paper by my side too, they probably think i'm crazy lol

All the best for you with your post-grad stress too! /many hugs

[in-noctem.livejournal.com]

I've had a shitty month at a new workplace and I randomly started crying on the public transport home so I can relate with the crying in public bit lol ;_; I hope things will get better and that you get a good long rest back home when you're done with your thesis!

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I hope things get better at your work too! /many bts hugs

[ohlookshiny.livejournal.com]

aww bb :/ i graduated this year and it was such a struggle with my dissertation and one of my supervisors was giving me so much shit (she made me cry and i was really low at the time anyway and she just got to me. it was so embarrassing and awful) so i can relate. i am also very hard on myself and it's so difficult not to be.

you can do it!!!! your hard work will pay off in end. you will get through it. make sure you get enough rest and eat properly (i didn't and made me much worse) and don't run yourself into the ground. it's really not worth it.

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your reply, it's comforting to know that we are not alone, at least! I'll keep doing my best until the last minute!

My professor ia actually the main source of my fears, he's that kind of traditional Japanese man stuck on formalities that lives for his research... The fact that your degree depends on someone like that is so freaking scary ;~;

[happydirections.livejournal.com]

i can completely relate to this :( i'm also working on my thesis and it is beyond stressfull. i feel like i'm stuck and i'm putting myself under so much pressure because i know othera have these expectations of me. the fact that i should have graduated this past summer doesn't really help in calming me down. breakdowns seem to come a lot more. i do hope you get to feel better just as much as i hope it for myself 💕

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

I hope everything gets better for you too, bb <3 The only thing we can do is grit our teeth and work harder, right? /hugs

[broadcities.livejournal.com]

i'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time :( i felt the same writing my master thesis. what really helped for me is forcing myself to take time off, seeing movies, meeting friends, chilling at home not working on thesis. it also boosts creativity!

you can do it! it will be over soon!

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you <3 For better or for worse, i have to turn it in in one 9 days anyway, so i'll just do what i can until the last moment... I just wish i had more time, i hate turning something in while knowing that i could do better...

[miwa201.livejournal.com]

hey, i was in a similar situation last year (i did my master's degree in ireland and i couldn't go home for the holidays bc of visa issues) and i get what you're going through. at the beginning it was really tough, but just hold on. once you finish your disseration and you actually hold it in your hands (unless you don't have to print it out idk) it feels really good and like it was all worth it. good luck!

[chikage-chan.livejournal.com]

Thank you <3 I'm happy you could get over it! I'm sure everything will feel silly after it finishes, but rn it's so overwhelming, argh... And i do have to turn in 3 copies of my thesis next week, so i'll definitely get to hold it in my hands lol

[broadcities.livejournal.com]

good that he has managed to crawl out of that dark hole, but i hope bighit (and other entertainment companies) offers also a professional support system for their idols who might feel the same.

it's great that both him and yoongi are voicing their mental health problems through their music esp in an industry and world where these issues are generally ignored or not taken seriously. it must take a lot of courage.

[digitalqueen.livejournal.com]

"You are dead
You are dad, but you are dead
Dead dad you don’t listen to me
Dad please listen to me"

this part ??????

[purekpopology.livejournal.com]

This part is confusing to me too. So far the only thing that I've been able to come up with is maybe he's using "dad" for "God" because a lot of times God is referred to as "God, our father" and he mentions God a few lines before that?

[digitalqueen.livejournal.com]

i was sure i had replied last night.

but now that i think about it, i only remember him talking about his mom and there's only pictures with her too :C

[rosiemotleymind.livejournal.com]

My depression slapped me in the face this past year after I was really doing good too. I'm so happy Namjoon seems to be doing way better now and that he is able to have these outlets. I really hope that idols can be more open about their mental health issues especially if they have a young fan base. It would be such an inspiration for these stressed out kids to look at someone who struggles with the same things they do.

[citrine047.livejournal.com]

"Why is it that I’m being so earnest
Yet it’s not working out"

i wasnt expecting these lyrics to come at me hard like this. also not even surprised ppl are just shrugging this off; namjoon literally baring his darkest saddest thoughts about fans being too harsh at him and yet the reaction is nada. call it unnecessary and w/e but if this was yoongi i bet ppl are gonna be all over the floor sobbing

[digitalqueen.livejournal.com]

ia

[nekokonneko.livejournal.com]

yeah :/

[elisaorange.livejournal.com]

I stopped the song at the whole dead dad part... I don't think it's the best sounding song around, but I'm sure fans can appreciate something like this better than me. Anyway, it's good he has a musical outlet.

[mc1a.livejournal.com]

I didn't listen to the song. I always appreciate Namjoon's words but I read the English parts of the song when it came out and it's not something I wanted to start my year with. I've had enough sadness in 2016, I need 2017 to be more cheerful. I will listen to it someday tho.

[jaelissi.livejournal.com]

I'm glad for the song existing because RM is able to express himself when he's at that place and I'm glad he's doing much better now too. But I only listened to about half of it and had to stop because I want to start 2017 off on a more positive note as well

[scionofawhisper.livejournal.com]

I love it, I'm so glad they (can) release stuff like this. T.t ♡

[aeries-amethyst.livejournal.com]

I like how the song sounds and then I read the lyrics...Damn, this is seriously heavy and now my heart hurts to think about what he's gone through and is still going through T_T

[modestgoddess79.livejournal.com]

sounds rough and unfinished but I like it

I think it is good that he has an outlet to express his pain, I feel like the secrecy is what kills you when it comes to depression

I think I may finally try to get medicated this year, my mom is very against it but suicidal thoughts are not normal