S. Korean "goose fathers" so lonely they keep flies

[unreal.livejournal.com]

Unlike his colleagues at a Korean city office, Choi Chang-young dreads the end of each workday, when he is forced to return to his empty, echoing house.

"I feel a deep sense of loneliness since neither my wife nor my kids are waiting for me," the 45-year-old administrator said of his home in the city of Cheongju, 120 km (75 miles) south of the capital Seoul. "There is only total darkness."

Choi is one of a growing legion of Korean fathers who send their families overseas when the children hit their teens, hoping to help them both escape the pressure-cooker South Korean educational system and learn English - which will help them get better higher education, and better jobs.

The wives go along with the children, leaving the fathers - known as "goose fathers" in local slang - behind to work and finance the whole venture.


"I sent my two sons, one in 9th grade and the other in 6th grade now, to Michigan with my wife last year," Choi said.

"I wanted them to enjoy their school years, experiencing a variety of things instead of cramming for exams throughout the year, which is what most students do here."

The "goose father" nickname refers to the seasonal visits made by the fathers to their faraway families, the way geese migrate every year. "Eagle fathers" are men wealthy enough to visit at will, while "penguin fathers" have no idea when the next reunion will take place.

The trend of families separating like this for education emerged in the late 1990s, with a growing desire to learn English and escape the relentless competitiveness of the domestic education system.

"When I was in high school, I saw my classmates about to throw up out of nervousness during exam periods, because we knew the names of the college we attended could be seen as a measurement of how well our parents had raised us by others in society," said Choi Hee-Kwon, a 23-year-old university student.

It is not rare for high school classrooms to be lit well past 10:00 p.m. so students can prepare for the annual CSAT exams that determine which universities they can attend. The nine-hour test is perceived as life-altering because it only takes place once a year.

Under the pressure, some students crack. At least 11 teens have taken their own lives over the past five years because of worries about grades, according to the Seoul Metropolitan Office of Education.

As a result, a growing number of parents hope to spare their offspring. The number of pre-college Korean students studying overseas has risen to over 18,600 in 2011 from 4,300 in 2000, according to the Korea Educational Development Institute, a government body.

But life is far from easy for all concerned, particularly the fathers left behind.

A survey of 151 of fathers with families overseas conducted in 2011 by Cha Eun-Jeong at Ewha Woman's University in Seoul found that 76.8 percent suffered from poor nutrition.

"The matter of their health condition closely correlates with whether they live with their parents. If they live alone, they display difficulties in consistent eating and weight loss," she wrote.

One out of three, or 29.8 percent, were in the early stages of depression, she added.

Many such fathers repair to bars, pouring out their tales.

"I have seen some regret making decisions over the sacrifice because of loneliness and depression," said Lee Jung-jin, manager of a Seoul bar. "Some even confided to me that they had become estranged from their wives since they had been apart for so long."

Even celebrity is no barrier to such suffering.

"When I arrived home after taking my family to the airport I saw flies in the kitchen," Kim Tae-won, guitarist in the popular rock group Buwhal, told local media.

"I was going to kill them but couldn't as I was feeling too lonely. Very soon the house became full of flies."

Source: cnbc
This is really sad :/ Hope he can reunite with his family soon again

Comments

[paige-nevaeh.livejournal.com]

Ah that's so self-less, sending his kids away so they can have a better time :(
Seriously, 9 hour exams?? I will never complain about 3 hours exams again.

(do they get food breaks o___o)

[deerlike.livejournal.com]

iirc they do get breaks - I think the exam is spread over the day - but I doubt they're very long breaks.

[deerlike.livejournal.com]

Really interesting but sad. On the one hand, I'm glad that some Korean families are able to make these sacrifices so that their kids can grow up without the intensive psychological pressure, but the fact that they have to make these sacrifices at all... something definitely has to change in the national outlook towards education and schooling.

[hipployta.livejournal.com]

That is incredibly sad...I also wonder how many take the boarding school option or just send their kids overseas to other family members.

A 9 hour test...I will never complain about the GREs or LSAT again

[mikansama.livejournal.com]

Seeing this really breaks my heart, especially since from what I've seen, alot of the Korean international students where I am - especially those that came at an older age - don't take their studies seriously...

[sugarbunnyxx.livejournal.com]

Well I mean, you can't blame a teenager for being a little bit lazy.
Because maybe they have the "eagle fathers" or w/e and see their fathers all the time.
I used to go to high school in a college town, and there were tons of koreans there. Many of them lived very frugal lives with only their older siblings (who were studying at the university) to take care of them.
BUT, I also know that some Koreans see American schooling as a joke because its standards are so low compared to Korean standards, so maybe you were seeing that attitude from students.

[sadistic-dance.livejournal.com]

That is heartbreaking.

[sirhin.livejournal.com]

Wow... I've heard a lot of this happening and one of my Korean friends is also in the same boat, while it's him and his mom visiting his father every year and not the other way around. While in Korea, I heard stories of this one teacher who confided that she sent her son over to the US when he was only in kindergarten so he could have a basic English foundation before returning to Korea a year or two later. She then concluded with. "I know, bad mother."

I feel for the fathers though. Either way, it's hard on all parties. :/

[t-domination.livejournal.com]

my best friend and her little bro are in the same situation... I feel bad for her because I can't imagine not having my parents while growing up. Really sad :(

[anconeous.livejournal.com]

There are so many Korean students here in the Philippines. Some luckily move here with their whole family. Others have at least their mother with them. A great majority, though, come here alone, some kids as young as elementary school age. Most of them stay until high school graduation, while others stay until graduating from the top colleges.

My sister's Korean friend recently came back to Korea for her last year of high school and absolutely hates it there. She said she never really understood why so many kids commit suicide because of school pressure until she actually experienced even just a couple of months in a Korean high school.

[episkia.livejournal.com]

there's so many families like that even just around me. it's pretty damn heartbreaking for the father, tbh. there's about one in ten families that manage to move to a different country together, and otherwise. (there's also the other side of the equation as well - because so many people are employed in chaebol companies such as samsung, the father might be the only one to move to a different country under a one to three year contract)

[charlieu.livejournal.com]

I know a lot of people like this. I never thought of it in their father's perspective.

[falling-empress.livejournal.com]

idk, i know a lot of families like this too and they don't seem to care...all of my korean friends have parents that basically hate each other but won't get divorced cuz of social taboo, and the men usually are having affairs. idk it's really common where i live so i guess i find it hard to sympathize with this article cuz it doesn't seem to be representative of all families like this.

[lonelymoon.livejournal.com]

That's heartbreaking and depressing to think about the sacrifices made for a family with whom one hardly gets to spend time. These fathers and mothers are more selfless than I can ever be tbh.

[falling-empress.livejournal.com]

this is common where i live cuz we have a ton of koreans--that or they come over here to make a shit load of money to send back to their elderly parents.