[TW] Minzy Opens Up About Depression & How 'Fighting for Myself' Forced Her to Leave 2NE1

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

For the first time ever, the 24-year-old shares why her time in one of the world's most beloved girl groups led to years of instability and confusion. Now, with the help of friends and faith, the solo star wants to inspire those fighting similar demons.

The first time Minzy visited Los Angeles, the singer-dancer was in town for a first-of-its-kind K-pop concert with her girl group, 2NE1, as well as some studio time with will.i.am. Her latest trip is equally star-powered with the debut performance of her new solo single at Al Gore's 24-hour-long Climate Reality livestream program, rehearsals with a new dance crew, and more studio time. What's changed, though, is her mindset: she’s gone from a confused, teenaged pop star to a mature young woman who's looking to take what she’s learned from tough celebrity lessons and offer a path of inspiration and guidance.

Before making her mark in the K-pop scene, elementary-school-year-old Minzy, neé Gong Min-ji, was first recruited to YG Entertainment -- the powerful Korean superlabel that helmed acts like BIGBANG and BLACKPINK, and was home to PSY when he broke internationally -- after videos of her dance skills went locally viral. Minzy says the label originally planned to debut her as a solo artist, but the company's forthcoming girl group 2NE1 lacked in the dance department. Despite the K-pop hopeful training longer than eventual band mates CL, Bom and Dara, Minzy was added as the final, and youngest, member for their 2009 debut.

Today, in her room at a downtown Los Angeles hotel, Minzy looks cozy as she sits in a lounge chair in a bright-pink hoodie. She comes across as friendly and approachable -- answering nearly every question with an adorable "eye smile" -- but the star notes that four years of waiting for her professional life to start at age 15 stunted her personal growth and social skills.

"I didn't know how to have relationships with people," she reflects. "Since I was so young in such a controlled environment, I never learned how to socialize. I really didn't have a normal childhood -- I never went out to play with other kids. I was just training and everyone was older than me."

With a fierce, hip-hop-inspired style and avant-garde look, 2NE1 stuck out from peers like Girls' Generation and Wonder Girls, and would go on to make a major impact in the K-pop industry. By the time of their 2016 disbanding, the group had accumulated nearly a dozen No. 1 hits in Korea, became the only Korean females to play arena shows in America, collaborated with will.i.am and Jeremy Scott, and held a slew of Billboard chart records, including years as the highest-charting and best-selling K-pop album in America. Despite their success, 2NE1's appearances were belittled by a harsh Korean public often critiquing their "visuals," the girls given backhanded compliments and the group once sharing on television that the YG CEO Yang Hyun-suk called them "really ugly" on multiple occasions. She doesn't throw any barbs at her former label, but notes all of this became a major mental weight for a young Minzy who could only read Korean comments despite a growing international -- and more forgiving -- fanbase.

"People, netizens were critiquing the fact that, you know, we were not the prettiest group," she says. "We were the 'ugly group.' I didn't know how to process that, I held that in. It was tough. [As a group], we pretended it was not a big deal and tried to forget about it, but you can't forget about it -- it's tough. I was trying to keep up with the other girls in the group in terms of maturity, but when you're up against these girl groups who look like models and you're doing something different -- cool, but different -- you deal in a different way."

With success came challenges that extended beyond her professional life. Citing a lack of a "natural support system" that only magnified with the increasing pressures of celebrity, Minzy says depression and suicidal thoughts plagued her throughout her teenage years. She hit her lowest points when she was 16 and 17 -- around 2NE1’s "Can't Nobody," "I Am the Best" and "Ugly" era, for fans familiar. What eventually came was a confusion of where her passion laid.

"I would go on stage and everyone was so supportive, they'd love me," she says. "Then when the stage was done, I would be in the hotel feeling so empty. Life felt like just a stage. I didn't know what was my life about; I wasn't sure if life was better as a performer or if life would be better just alone. It was such a contrast, but I never had the time to figure out how to balance both being on stage and being alone."

This was 2NE1's heyday in Korea with five No. 1 singles, one of 2010's best-selling albums via their To Anyone full-length, and the 2011 release of their now-signature single "I Am the Best" that remains their most-watched music video with a quarter of a billion YouTube views. But Minzy also cites professional disappointments throughout: She was preparing and recording a solo album, scheduled ahead of "I Am the Best," but that got pushed back and eventually scrapped due to an issue "with a different artist in the company."

"There wasn't enough focus to finish my stuff,” she says of a management style where every company release required all hands on deck. “They kept delaying it and then when it comes to basically everything else, you don't know the details."

Longer hiatuses in between 2NE1 albums meant less quality time with her band mates. She calls them her "sisters" to this day. "We are all homebodies so really just being at home watching TV were the best moments," she says of CL, Bom and Dara. "Those memories were very cozy and warm, to me at least. Maybe because I was so young? But the world was quite a strange place to me, so those moments are close to my heart. The family feel was more important to me than the fame, but as it took longer and longer for our albums to come out, we would only really meet when it was time to plan for the album. As everyone started doing their own thing, I was having even less time with them."

In South Korean society, mental illness is seen as taboo, though the country suffers the highest suicide rate in the world for children ages 10-19. The country's focus on public image and lack of communication on such issues rendered Minzy unable to find help with her depression. "In Korea [mental illness is] seen more as 'stop being sad,' not something actually acknowledged."

Where she did find a resource was in Teddy Park, who was mainly responsible for producing a majority of 2NE1's discography and encouraged her to hold on to her Christian faith as a positive from her pre-fame life.

"Since I was the youngest, he would try to encourage me," he says. "He would say things like, 'I know you're feeling like you're depressed and struggling with your depression, but you believe in God and you're going to get through this.' I have good memories of him. I'm really thankful for Teddy and see him as a good person in my life to remind me to keep going even when depression was at its worst."

Minzy's breakthrough came by connecting with Christianity in her late teens, which led her to finding resources and, finally, people open to talking about her mental health. "I was struggling most intensely at 16, 17, and no one knew about it," she shares. "There was a point where I would just avoid people. People didn't even really know I was struggling. I was just alone. When I was 17, 18, I basically met God, I found my faith. That was a major change in my life. The people with the same faith and that same encouragement came into my life and were able to speak very boldly into my life. It wasn't like, 'Oh, you just have to get better.' It was 'We understand that it's a struggle. It's OK to struggle and it's OK to feel bad, but let's think about it, deal with it and have faith.' I held onto that."



When she decided to depart 2NE1 and YG Entertainment in 2016, Minzy says it was the first step in figuring out if performing was her true path. "I needed some time to deal with my depression, find my own way and decide if this was something I really wanted to do,” she explains. “It was something I was doing for so long, but it was so hard to maintain. I had to find my own direction, and the only way to do that was by leaving the group and fighting for my own will. I was wondering, 'What is my life about?'"

The next step was putting herself first. She signed with a smaller label, The Music Works, which helped put out her Minzy Work 01 EP that hit No. 2 on Billboard's World Albums chart last year. She surrounded herself with people who support her and her vision like Ashley Choi, whose previous clients include Justin Timberlake and Jay Park, who handles global management and is her "best friend." These changes allowed her space to set new goals, both personally and professionally.

"Leaving 2NE1, it's not about leaving [or] breaking up the group. It's that I fought for myself, my own future and what I wanted," she reflects of her now-solo journey. "I finally chose something for myself. I did feel pressure and [a] burden [when going solo], but it was a good burden."

Looking ahead, Minzy wants to incorporate mental health resources and support for those dealing with similar issues into her upcoming tours in a similar vein to Demi Lovato offering free mental-health counseling throughout her 2018 Tell Me You Love Me tour. "I want to help people who are struggling as someone who has struggled, overcome and taken control of my mind and heart," she says. "I want to share the love I feel from my faith and from my music to let people know they, too, are loved and that there's love for them."

Minzy choosing to speak out about her journey comes when almost exactly a year ago SHINee's Jonghyun died suddenly in late 2017. His passing -- ruled as a suicide -- struck her. "That reminded me of my old self and I could understand why he wanted to escape," she says, before hoping her words can make a difference in K-pop's future. "I want to let the young and newer idols know that success in the idol world is just not as important what you need to live up to as a person."

With her music embracing a global mindset (latest single "All of You Say" is in English and boasts reggaeton vibes) and seeing a higher purpose in speaking openly about mental health, Minzy says her path is clear and rich with the experiences that have helped her in her battle and growth as an artist, advocate and woman. The longest pause she takes to answer during the conversation comes when she considers who she was then and who she is now.

"As I've come into my own, I am a different person," she confidently declares. "I've experienced pulling through," she says before thinking again back to her past self. "I want to help that woman."

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, you can call a suicide hotline and find resources in your country here.


Source: billboard

Comments

[typhlogirl.livejournal.com]

and the group once sharing on television that the YG CEO Yang Hyun-suk called them "really ugly" on multiple occasions.

this demonic misogynist shouldn't be allowed to manage girl groups full stop, the absolute RAGE i am feeling rn

[babyjenkski.livejournal.com]

I don't know why but I was tearing up reading this. I know this is about Minzy but how I wish there was a Teddy Park in Jonghyun's life.

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

I cried too
It's ok to cry, it's better to let it out

[babyjenkski.livejournal.com]

Thanks OP. I guess it made me cry reading her struggles and feeling her pain. Crying also because I am relieved to know that there was someone who reached out to her. We don't know what could've happened to her if nobody intervened or bothered to tell her that she'll be able to pull through just hold on to her faith.

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

[tungatunga.livejournal.com]

Please stop, it's not true, and very harmful. Depression isn't the type of illness that have one solution fitting all treatment.

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

yeah, i wish people stop ploting with this whole "what if ..." narrative around celebs suicide, its the same mentality that find logic to blame ariana grande for mac miller death and feels the right to judge or even blame people around those who took their own lives

depression and suicide are waaaaay more complex than just "being save by someone else words"

[babyjenkski.livejournal.com]

I'm not medically trained to really understand depression/suicidal tendencies so I'm sorry if my comment seemed inappropriate for you. I also don't know him personally to say that he didn't have anybody around but having read what he said on his last letter, it made me feel that he was lonely and nobody was trying to check up on him.

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

dont worry, i dont blame you
i easily get triggered by this topic because someone in my family commited suicide too (but happened almost 7 years ago even before i was into kpop)

i generally prefer empathy because it really hurt when people pretty much assume that those who commit suicide were surrunded by horrible lazy friends/families/spouses that just didnt tried hard enough to keep them alive 🤷

[babyjenkski.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry if it sounded like I was generalizing things but I'm not.

[petecarl.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was a really good article. I liked the way she spoke about depression, that it's okay to be down sometimes but that it's also important to think about how to fix or change things.

I didn't know she was so close to Teddy, but maybe that's because she when I got into kpop, 2NE1 were basically on hiatus outside of touring. It's nice to hear she had some support during that time. Korea (like most countries) still doesn't talk much about mental health, but I'm glad that more celebrities there are speaking out. I feel like people are slowly learning and feeling more comfortable opening up about these things.

I'm glad she found support through her faith (I'm also a Christian), but the way she phrases it worries me because it shows clearly how vulnerable people when looking for help can easily be taken advantage of when they're just looking for comfort and support.

Minzy's breakthrough came by connecting with Christianity in her late teens, which led her to finding resources and, finally, people open to talking about her mental health.

[dongsaengkiller.livejournal.com]

YG really did a number on the girls. He remains the worst. I’m glad she is doing better and is using this as a platform to hopefully help others. But I’m mostly just glad she’s better

[timetobegin.livejournal.com]

Lmao about when she said regarding the pre-IATB solo album that go delayed and then scrapped. No surprised about that lol. Wondering who that 'other artist' they clashed with and why?

It's painful to read about all she experienced. Glad to hear she's in a better place now, I hope she can walk the career path she's been deserving of all this time!

[suggestivepeach.livejournal.com]

"We were the 'ugly group.' I didn't know how to process that, I held that in. It was tough. [As a group], we pretended it was not a big deal and tried to forget about it, but you can't forget about it” i can really relate to this feeling as a kid. I didn’t look normal and no matter how many people told me to ignore it and no matter how much I tried to tell myself it wasn’t bothering me, it really did and it wasn’t something I could easily brush off. YG telling the girls they were straight up ugly reminds me of a time when a kid straight up asked me to my face why my face looked weird. That shit is humiliating and stays with you forever, even if you do eventually “glo up.”

It also makes me so angry that Asian countries typically still view depression or mental illness as simply being sad.

I hope she really is better and has found a good support system now.

[myungung.livejournal.com]

it's sad to hear that she struggled for so long, but it's quite heartening to hear that she found support in a senior in the company? and I'm just glad she found people outside of YGE for comfort and solace. here's hoping for things to go up for her now

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

aawww im glad she finally find a way to end up all that struggle nobody should face those problems alone , its sad but i bet if you asked that same question many more idols would understand what jjong was fighting ... of course idol image will never include talk openly about their emotions (lets not even mention deppression and other mental struggles) in any way

hopefully her message will reach others, or at least give courage to younger idols.. there's no need to ignore your real feelings to live up to your idol image
no amount of success or money is worthy such miserable life

[daynr.livejournal.com]

I don't understand, do you mind explaining what you mean by understanding what jjong was fighting v what Minzy was struggling with?

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

oh, i was just taking it from her own answer because while minzy speak about her own depression, they asked her about jjong situation and she says "That reminded me of my old self and I could understand why he wanted to escape"
i guess she means she had suicidal tendencies in the past and saw suicide like an escape

i wont assume all & every idol are struggling with depression, suicidal tendencies or other kind of mental conditions but like minzy said in this interview looks like those who have it arent exactly encourage or even supported to talk about it either ... again, im sure if you ask them directly (like this journalist asked minzy) a lot would want to talk about it because they arent stranger to mental struggles or other kind of problems

[daynr.livejournal.com]

ok, thanks, I see what you mean. I understand your original comment very differently, and I didn't know enough to understand what I perceived you as meaning.

[torontok.livejournal.com]

What do you guys think about some people criticizing this article for brushing aside the very valid concerns her fans have with Ashley Choi and saying Jeff was shilling?

ETA: the comment
https://old.reddit.com/r/kpop/comments/a7i7d1/minzy_opens_up_about_depression_suicidal_thoughts/ec396c7/
https://twitter.com/Chaparral_21/status/1075232686346784769

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if the article brushed aside those concerns
It's just, they weren't the point of the article, it focused on Minzy and her mental health, how she got better
I don't see how bringing up concet related issue would fit in here? Maybe I'm missing something? Did Ashley Choi use the article to promote or shield herself?

Those concenrns are indeed valid but not related to the issue at hand

[torontok.livejournal.com]

People are taking an issue that Ashley clearly had the links to go to billboard and get a write up that portrays her positively (the ending where they portray Ashley as someone great and who's helping Minzy reach new heights when it's not the case) but tried to shove off marketing onto Minzy's fans in other cases and also has taken over her insta and is blocking/deleting stuff calling her out. And yeah, using Jonghyun in this article and releasing it on his death anniversary was definitely not a coinicdence.

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

They barely spoke about Ashley so I don't think there's much to it
But I can see how fans who already have valid grievance against her would see it as such. Regardless of her numerous fuck ups I do think she's better than YG for minzy and her health

The timing and title of the article are shady but I blame that on billboard and Ashley equally. Billboard knew it'd get views.

It's still a good article imo, and I do hope more idols will feel comfortable talking about the issue and reach out when they need help

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

they have a point there, in this narrative ashley (no idea who she is tho) seem like she manipulates and took advantage of minzy + minzy fans all this time ... and of course posting this kind of interview (and include "suicide" in their headline) during jjong first anniversary wasnt an accident

[benihime99.livejournal.com]

yup, not a coincidence at all but I also blame billboard for that

[dior-chic.livejournal.com]

When I google Ashley Choi a LinkedIn profile appears saying she’s the ceo/founder of FMG?

There’s also an Ashley Choi in Ladies Code so I was initially sooooo confused

[sra-interesante.livejournal.com]

it knew ashley choi sound familiar!
its that member from ladies code

[shoshow.livejournal.com]

My criticism toward how they're pushing this dance break tour still stands, I don't get the point of pushing her in the international market when she yet has to solidify herself as a solo artist in Korea. Though Ashley may mean well, she isn't very organized with the way she's running things and needs to create a relationship with Minzy's agency so that they can cooperate and create a much-needed plan of action. Our fandom is too small on to rely on to do much of the grunt work when it comes to letting others know about her activities, and this only makes fans and Minzy look bad when events are canceled because of the lack of attention.

[daynr.livejournal.com]

whoa.

[daynr.livejournal.com]

I think it is awesome and wonderful that she is speaking about the effects of both the criticisms they received and the lack of support she had because of 1. being a trainee so young (and the only one that age at the time in YG), and 2, the lack of societal support.

My wary/cynical side does not like that it seems she grounded her changes and recovery only in faith. Being heard and having the truth of your struggles acknowledged is really important, but I hope she received and has access to help that is not just "God is love, etc. etc." Particularly since I understand that Korea struggles with Christianity derived cults.

[thebloomroom.livejournal.com]

This is so sad, I'm on the verge of tears tbh. She's very candid here and her thoughts about being the "ugly group" smh... :( YG is really such a piece of shit. I hate that some of these idols debut so young, it really robs them of growth.

[adenar.livejournal.com]

It's interesting that she talks about her faith being what she used to find her way out. I was following her closely through 2ne1's activities and her resultant departure from the group, and you could tell when she finally started getting satisfaction out of her life again because before that she was posting Bible quotes practically daily and prayers etc. That dropped off a cliff practically overnight when she signed with Music Works and started her solo activities. I can recognise that sort of obsessiveness that comes from mental health problems - to be honest, I had that with kpop when I was at my lowest - so I'm glad that she's been able to turn it into something that's helped her move forward rather than something that's kept her mired in that obsessive thinking. She's used her interest in her religion to take her to higher education and to find new friends, and it clearly motivated her to find her way out of the bad year of 2ne1's hiatus, and while I really dislike organised religion I have some hope that this is in some way benign.

Also she looks great in the photos. She's got so much better at posing lately. We've come so long from 'hand on hip slightly bent over mouth open, profit', haha. I love the header image.

[digitalqueen.livejournal.com]

i really wish people would stop using jonghyun as an example

[jyushimatsu.livejournal.com]

I’m late as fuck but it breaks my heart that she dealt with this at such a young age. Fuck YG and fuck all the international kpop fans that would constantly bash her for being ugly. There are girl group stans that pretend to really respect women when they only “respect” women they deem attractive.