Romanticized depictions of dating violence in Korean dramas

[mlmello.livejournal.com]

This is a crime... top 4 worst dating violence scenes in 2016 dramas

Article analyzes four scenes from Korean dramas that depict signs of misogyny, sexual harassment, and dating violence in a romanticized light.

1. KBS 'Uncontrollably Fond' - Junyoung often physically pulls around Noeul by force, sometimes even picking her up without permission. He shouts and kicks at her, and in one scene even leaves her on the side of a road after violently driving her around. Editors chose the scene where Junyoung and Noeul get into a fight and he forcibly pushes her onto the bed and slides her zipper down while the camera pans to a hesitant Noeul as the worst scene of the drama.



2. SBS 'Our Kapsoon' - Depicts the ultimate drama cliche of the forced kiss. Kapsoon breaks up with Kapdol and walks away until he grabs her, pushes her against the wall, and forcibly kisses her until she submits and kisses back.



3. MBC 'Lucky Romance' - Gunwook visits Boni's house asks her to eat with him. She declines, saying she's grateful for the offer but would rather not. He then bursts through her door without permission. Editors criticized the scene for how it transitioned into a romance scene with the two resolving their differences and the 'open door' symbolizing the opening of a new relationship when the realistic course of action should've been Boni calling the cops for the intrusion.



4. tvN 'Another Oh Hae Young' - On the contrary to the first scene, this drama depicts a scene where a man forces his way into a woman's home but under the pretense of protecting her. Editors pointed out that it still doesn't change the fact that he trespassed onto her property, no matter his intentions.

The drama itself was met with several scenes that were under controversy for dating violence, such as Dokyung breaking his car window with Haeyoung still riding it, a scene where he pulls her wrist out of a restaurant, and visiting her house without permission. Editors pointed out that any man who shows such signs of violence should be dumped immediately and blames dramas for normalizing or romanticizing such violent actions.


1. [+1,974, -20] Stuff like grabbing her wrist and pulling her around and yelling at her is all considered violence but it's way too romanticized on screen


2. [+1,721, -21] I'd be terrified if someone I hated acted in this way to me

3. [+1,462, -14] What's worse is that dramas also perpetuate the notion that if a woman doesn't like being treated like this, she's just playing hard to get. It's also a problem that girls see these scenes and think that it's romantic and exciting. Violence shouldn't be romanticized on screen because teens grow up seeing it and repeating it.

4. [+663, -15] It makes me throw up when I see forced kiss scenes where the woman eventually submits and kisses back. Especially that one cliche scene where her clenched fist slowly unclenches... what a joke

5. [+628, -16] Any of these situations in real life would be terrifying for a woman

6. [+487, -10] Scenes where the male lead is walking around while dragging the female lead by the wrist is such a common scene in Korean dramas but I never see it in foreign dramas. How can you have a drama with so many scenes where the female lead is being thrown around and yelled at...

7. [+406, -13] This article hits the point on the head. I'm sick of these dramas. I'm scared of kids watching this and learning from it.

8. [+334, -52] Let me just point out that the people writing these scenes are female scriptwriters

9. [+269, -12] With dramas and webtoons, we ultimately know that the two characters will be happy in the end so we're able to romanticize moments of violence like that... but if you watch American dramas, you'll notice that any scene where the male lead tries to take a female lead by force, everyone around him is like stop! or runs to hold him back. Even the female lead's lines after that is something usually like "You're hurting me!" or "Don't touch me!" unlike the Korean female leads who just submit and act sweet afterwards.

10. [+196, -3] I hate!! scenes where the female lead is always opening her eyes up wide like "what're you doing~ what're you going to do to me~" all submissive, acting like puppies in the window of a pet store... wake up!

11. [+194, -12] In American or UK dramas, if a couple is ever holding each other by the wrist, it's usually a prelude to a fight, unlike Korean dramas where it leads to something romantic... Scriptwriters need to focus more on having female characters unique enough to lead a relationship on their own instead of being dragged around by the male all the time. What will our little girls learn?

12. [+152, -10] 'Uncontrollably Fond' had to be the worst offender of these cliches. He grabs her by force all the time, drives her around violently before throwing her out, kicks her, pushes her, embarrasses her, humiliates her, claims to love her publicly but then goes and dumps her and hurts her... the drama just made him seem like a crazy person.

13. [+120, -1] Don't forget the forced kiss scene the other day on 'Moon Lovers'. The female lead clearly says "I am not yours, I am scared of you" but he goes and forces a kiss on her after saying "You're mine!"

14. [+127, -10] I remember seeing that scene in 'Lucky Romance' where the man forces his way into her home when she told him not to. Dramas feel so different from the real world... but I bet men watch these scenes and try it in the real world and think the woman is playing hard to get when it doesn't result in romance.

15. [+109, -0] Yeah, scenes like this totally make me lose respect for the male lead... the illusion is just shattered.


16. [+92, -0] I just want dramas to respect a woman when she says no. Stop it with the scenes where they submit in the end. She's saying no, she's not playing hard to get. Crazy men always think that the woman is playing hard to get if she doesn't want something he's doing...

Netizenbuzz, Oh My News via Daum


this list could be so freaking long...
which kdrama moment was the worst for you?

Comments

[aurellee.livejournal.com]

It's not just kdrama, but also in fanfics.

[izumichan31.livejournal.com]

I don't necessarily think it's fanfics which are the problem. It's where the ideas are coming from which are these sorts of shows that romanticized these sorts of things in the first place.

[ryais.livejournal.com]

The one in Our Gabsoon is pretty bad, she's literally crying while he's kissing her. I watched because they were cute on WGM but I had to turn off at that point.

I thought AOHY was going to be good about it since the first time he grabbed her wrist she told him to let go and he did. It was all a bit downhill from there though. I also hated when he was listening to what she'd been doing all day while she didn't know she'd been recorded.

[moomoo-moonstar.livejournal.com]

Ah, AOHY was so disappointing. Even beyond his treatment of her, which was terrible and creepy, the guy was a total psycho. This was someone who deliberately rear-ended someone else's car just to force them into a fistfight. If you knew someone like that in real life you'd be absolutely terrified of them.

[flaffles.livejournal.com]

This atrocity is the worst:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRy1diiUMs0

[seulgibear.livejournal.com]

EWWW OH MY GOD!! please tell me this was followed up by her getting a restraining order or something and not in romance

that comment under the video though "this was by far my most favorite kiss, in all k dramas, i have seen.. AT LAST a passionate kiss in k dramas!!" ... yikes

[bri-and-red.livejournal.com]

The "surprise" kiss scene in the Heirs stands out in my memory because it was one of the grab her by the arm and kiss her scenes, which on its own is awful, but I remember Park Shinhye talking about how the director decided to do it without telling her which makes it extra gross to me

[fabulousdoll.livejournal.com]

I only watched the two first episodes of that drama but I remember that* and I was so mad on Park Shin Hye behalf uuuggghhh

*her talking about it not the scene because I didn't watch it

[cosmicjam.livejournal.com]

Yeah these types of scenes just made me uncomfortable and it's sad how romanticized they are.

It's really harmful the image it perpetrates that when a women is saying no or is uncomfortable, she is just being playful or playing hard to get or that because he likes her, he can just push/boss/hit her around. Like kissing scenes are most of the time so uncomfortable cuz the girl either is as still as a statue or looks like she wants to be anywhere but there

[modestgoddess79.livejournal.com]

Glad I never made it past episode 4 of Uncontrollably fond, I've already scene too much of Woobin acting violent towards women in Heirs

[fabulousdoll.livejournal.com]

Pretty much all kdramas centered on relationships have some scenes like this. It drives me crazy and I don't get why I can't stop watching them. I hate myself.

At the beginning I used to watch more korean movies than kdramas, and I feel like in movies it's a bit better when it comes to these things. But I watched so many of them (if I say like 100 I'm not exaggerating) that I didn't know what more to watch lol
Has anyone recommendations for recent korean movies?

OP, sorry for the edits XD

[sisterjune.livejournal.com]

recent (2016) and fairly good kmovies:

Phantom Detective
Train to Busan
The Handmaiden
Like for Likes
Seondal: The Man Who Sells the River
Dongju: Portrait of a Poet

and that's all i got for now.

[madielou.livejournal.com]

the scene in moonlight lovers honestly makes the top 3 in my least favorite scenes. she literally looks like she's about to cry, is making noises of protest, and is clearly sending "i do not want this" vibes but he throws himself on her. it makes me sick.

i hate how violence is disguised as romance. hurting someone physically and mentally is not love.

like it's been years and i still can't believe there are ppl who love jun pyo when he bullied, harassed, and had the female lead nearly raped. like honestly what the hell.

[fabulousdoll.livejournal.com]

I tried to watch BOF but at some point one of the episodes end up being too much and stop watching. I hated all the characters so much! And until this day I don't understand how it was so popular.

[citypolaroids.livejournal.com]

there are way too many examples, but most recently this is me @ lee junki's character in scarlet heart right now

[seulgibear.livejournal.com]

i don't watch kdramas because i've never found myself interested in them, but some months ago i started watching it's ok that's love and while it was interesting, the dysfunctional but painted romantic relationships between characters was so off-putting that i just ended up stopping half-way through. by these descriptions i assume it's not even the worst of it

tv/cinema has so much impact it's really troubling how kdramas normalise these things, where people, but esp girls because lbr it's pretty much always the man who's portrayed as aggressive, will believe this is real love and they should be looking for someone who's rough around the edges for idk a fun relationship? bc manhandling or screaming at someone means love?

[mya13.livejournal.com]

i see ppl stan its okay thats love so much when the drama is all sorted of ?????. i also had to stop midway, the drama literally makes no sense at all. they tried to make the female lead a feminist meanwhile she gave her virginity away when the male lead was upset that she rejected him..........and she had anxiety about sex yet had her first time at a public beach???????.like what in the actual f*ck?????

[thebrassteapot.livejournal.com]

i'll be honest i often avoid watching kdramas for this reason. it just doesn't seem worth it to sift through and try to find something that doesn't romanticize toxic relations, even some mvs can be like this :/

OP im not sure if it matters, but there is also a "trigger warning" tag that may be suitable for this post

[mlmello.livejournal.com]

yeah, I thought about using the tag, but I was not really sure if it was the case.. I'll edit tho, thank you!

[xxmannequin.livejournal.com]

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FIRST ONE?

He shouts and kicks at her, and in one scene even leaves her on the side of a road after violently driving her around. [..] forcibly pushes her onto the bed and slides her zipper down.

Why would anyone take this project or star as one of the lead characters???

I am soo glad this drama sank.

[flowereon.livejournal.com]

Same here. I had seen people say that ''he loves her so much he just doesn't know how to express it'' which is such an awful and disgusting way of justifying the character's behavior. Not to mention his stupidity causes her to get hit by a car and he also trips her and berates her on more than one occasion. I don't care if he's terminally ill, doesn't give you a free pass to act like that.

Let those kind of roles die.

[tree-star123.livejournal.com]

heirs, i also think it's messed up in ohy eric's character ruined someone's life pretty much.
i didn't watch the other dramas on the list except our gapsoon, i stopped at ep 1 bc the guy's character is so trash.

another thing i noticed that seems to be romantic for ppl but i find questionable is that pretty much every drama the guy takes the girl to get a makeover...

[mlmello.livejournal.com]

ohy is way more problematic than some fans want to admit it tbh

[donutism.livejournal.com]

Not a drama, but i remember watching BTS boy in luv video, and that scene where they push the girl against the locker made me really uncomfortable, but i know it is a common theme in like shows / animes and stuff

[thebrassteapot.livejournal.com]

i thought of that as well, i was so shocked! even today I can't watch that video and I honestly can't believe it was ever considered okay to make.

[classicfire.livejournal.com]

4. [+663, -15] It makes me throw up when I see forced kiss scenes where the woman eventually submits and kisses back. Especially that one cliche scene where her clenched fist slowly unclenches... what a joke

Yeah, I know exactly what this person is talking about. That's gross. I feel uneasy watching a lot of these dramas cause the men are always so aggressive. Like I feel any one of them may explode at any moment. That's what I felt with that recent drama "Age of youth."

[mlmello.livejournal.com]

but I think age of youth was kind of criticizing this topic. at least, that was how I understood the drama's intention...

[anonymous-loljk.livejournal.com]

Might be slightly out of topic but i think these type of violent romance is also a recurring motive in shoujo manga/j-dramas... and then i heard about the 'kabedon' culture starts growing in japan. I mean i have no personal experience about living in japanese culture but, i think it's scary how people already regard this as a norm, to the point that it becomes something to fantasize about in popular culture.

[tree-star123.livejournal.com]

i was confused when i saw kabedon in some chinese and tw variety. the celebs always look embarrassed to do it

[jinkiestabi.livejournal.com]

I'm sure it's been mentioned, but since I just finished watching it, the kiss from Scarlet Heart Ryeo. It made my skin crawl, I get an eerie chill just thinking about it again. I never felt this level of discomfort before, and I made it through some tough K-drama scenes before.

[lovealwaysliana.livejournal.com]

This is why I can't do most kdramas. This kinda stuff is rampant.

[lizanka23.livejournal.com]

There is a scene in that stupid garden something drama in which the man and woman switch bodies that was heavily criticized by international fans. The main character forces himself on a woman or something. And stalker behavior is heavily romanticized in dramas which I hate too

[ohlookshiny.livejournal.com]

urgh that scene is so gross. like she keeps trying to leave and he keeps throwing her down on the bed and restraining her. that drama is awful, kim eun sook should be banned from writing dramas imo

[ah0000.livejournal.com]

I have been thinking about this since Scarlet Heart but idk I now think about the actors who are willing to take these roles too. They have to be comfortable with violence against women to a certain degree to be able to act it out and also to not dispute acting it out.

Can you imagine if Lee Min Ho was like "No, director, I am not going to surprise Park Shin Hye with a violent kiss." Or if Lee Junki was like "Nope, I am not going to force a kiss on IU." What could the director do, fire him? I hope this does happen in the acting world, that there are some decent people who decide not to cross the line.

[mentality34.livejournal.com]

I think there is a very distinct difference between the Heirs situation and Moon Lovers' situation. Of course they would get fired?? Even if they didn't get fired right away, they would be labeled unprofessional and it would affect their future career. No sane directors or producers would hire an actor would refuses to follow the script. I don't want to make any assumption that Lee Jun Ki is a saint that doesn't believe in this stuff, but I don't think he and LMH are comparable at all. It's one thing to follow the script (LJK's case, there was a forced kiss in the original Chinese ver. of Moon Lovers as well, in which the kiss was not romanticized), it's another thing to force a kiss on your co-star without her permission or knowledge. IU was at least well aware of what she was supposed to be acting out. The celebrities I judge really hard are the ones who actually say that they like the "romance style" of these crappy kdrama characters or equate themselves to it. I don't think it's fair to accuse actors of possibly being violent abusers based on roles they take (their choices are more likely to be based on profit tbh).

[cafetin99.livejournal.com]

This is patriarchy in all its glory, the systematic violence against women, disguised, widespread, accepted, expected and romanticized.

In each and every one of Korean dramas/movies there such scenes, and many more, not only from the leads/second leqads, but from other women, grandmas, etc.

Everyone shits over the female lead/the woman.

Also, here we have our own misogyny set.

[izumichan31.livejournal.com]

I really can't watch kdramas for this reason. I think the only one I actually finished was Heirs and there were so many problematic moments... I haven't been able to push myself all the way through any other ones.

[antrea.livejournal.com]

amazing that the only one you've managed to finish is one of the worst ones...

[lechuza-yoya.livejournal.com]

I hope everyone involved takes notes!!! we deserve better dramas, things are missing but its a start.

its finally happening!!!!

[kjc48.livejournal.com]

better late than never, kdrama fans.

Nothing will ever fuck me up as the scene in Coffee House where Kang Ji-hwan stuffs Eunjung into a fucking suitcase. LIKE IN WHAT WORLD???? And it wasn't even supposed to be romantic.

P.S. to everyone in this post: NEVER WATCH A LAKORN!!!!!

[sonagi.livejournal.com]

Glad to see not all Koreans buy into this crap. Echoing some other comments here, this is why I don't bother with 99% of Kdramas. (Even in Age of Youth the 'good' guys were close to crossing the line imo)