Adopted From Korea and in Search of Identity

[shikinluv.livejournal.com]

DIFFERENT: Kim Eun Mi Young in an undated photo with her brothers, David, left, and Shawn. Growing up, she says, “at no time did I consider myself anything other than white.”
J. Michael Short for The New York Times

By RON NIXON
Published: November 8, 2009

As a child, Kim Eun Mi Young hated being different.

Growing up in Georgia, Kansas and Hawaii, in a military family, she would date only white teenagers, even when Asian boys were around.

“At no time did I consider myself anything other than white,” said Ms. Young, 48, who lives in San Antonio. “I had no sense of any identity as a Korean woman. Dating an Asian man would have forced me to accept who I was.”

It was not until she was in her 30s that she began to explore her Korean heritage. One night, after going out to celebrate with her husband at the time, she says she broke down and began crying uncontrollably.

“I remember sitting there thinking, where is my mother? Why did she leave me? Why couldn’t she struggle to keep me?” she said. “That was the beginning of my journey to find out who I am.”

The experiences of Ms. Young are common among adopted children from Korea, according to one of the largest studies of transracial adoptions, which is to be released on Monday. The report, which focuses on the first generation of children adopted from South Korea, found that 78 percent of those who responded had considered themselves to be white or had wanted to be white when they were children. Sixty percent indicated their racial identity had become important by the time they were in middle school, and, as adults, nearly 61 percent said they had traveled to Korea both to learn more about the culture and to find their birth parents.



Kim Eun Mi Young in her San Antonio home with family photographs and mementos.
J. Michael Short for The New York Times

Like Ms. Young, most Korean adoptees were raised in predominantly white neighborhoods and saw few, if any, people who looked like them. The report also found that the children were teased and experienced racial discrimination, often from teachers. And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group.

As a result, many of them have had trouble coming to terms with their racial and ethnic identities.

The report was issued by the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, a nonprofit adoption research and policy group based in New York. Since 1953, parents in the United States have adopted more than a half-million children from other countries, the vast majority of them from orphanages in Asia, South America and, most recently, Africa. Yet the impact of such adoptions on identity has been only sporadically studied. The authors of the Donaldson Adoption Institute study said they hoped their work would guide policymakers, parents and adoption agencies in helping the current generation of children adopted from Asian countries to form healthy identities.

“So much of the research on transracial adoption has been done from the perspective of adoptive parents or adolescent children,” said Adam Pertman, executive director of the institute. “We wanted to be able to draw on the knowledge and life experience of a group of individuals who can provide insight into what we need to do better.”

The study recommends several changes in adoption practices that the institute said are important, including better support for adoptive parents and recognition that adoption grows in significance for their children from young adulthood on, and throughout adulthood.

South Korea was the first country from which Americans adopted in significant numbers. From 1953 to 2007, an estimated 160,000 South Korean children were adopted by people from other countries, most of them in the United States. They make up the largest group of transracial adoptees in the United States and, by some estimates, are 10 percent of the nation’s Korean population.

The report says that significant changes have occurred since the first generation of adopted children were brought to the United States, a time when parents were told to assimilate the children into their families without regard for their native culture.

Yet even adoptees who are exposed to their culture and have parents who discuss issues of race and discrimination say they found it difficult growing up.

Heidi Weitzman, who was adopted from Korea when she was 7 months old and who grew up in ethnically mixed neighborhoods in St. Paul, said her parents were in touch with other parents with Korean children and even offered to send her to a “culture camp” where she could learn about her heritage.

“But I hated it,” said Ms. Weitzman, a mental health therapist in St. Paul. “I didn’t want to do anything that made me stand out as being Korean. Being surrounded by people who were blonds and brunettes, I just thought that I was white.” It was not until she moved to New York after college that she began to become comfortable with being Korean.


Ms. Young's visa and items that came with her from South Korea when she was adopted in 1961.
J. Michael Short for The New York Times

“I was 21 before I could look in the mirror and not be surprised by what I saw staring back at me,” she said. “The process of discovering who I am has been a long process, and I’m still on it.”

Ms. Weitzman’s road to self-discovery was fairly typical of the 179 Korean adoptees with two Caucasian parents who responded to the Donaldson Adoption Institute survey. Most said they began to think of themselves more as Korean when they attended college or moved to ethnically diverse neighborhoods as adults.

For Joel Ballantyne, a high school teacher in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., who was adopted by white parents in 1977, the study confirms many of the feelings that he and other adoptees have tried to explain for years.

“This offers proof that we’re not crazy or just being ungrateful to our adoptive parents when we talk about our experiences,” said Mr. Ballantyne, 35, who was adopted at age 3 and who grew up in Alabama, Texas and, finally, California.

Jennifer Town, 33, agreed.

“A lot of adoptees have problems talking about these issues with their adoptive families,” she said. “They take it as some kind of rejection of them when we’re just trying to figure out who we are.”

Ms. Towns, who was adopted in 1979 and raised in a small town in Minnesota, recalled that during college, when she announced that she was going to Korea to find out more about her past, her parents “freaked out.”

“They saw it as a rejection,” she said. “My adoptive mother is really into genealogy, tracing her family to Sweden, and she was upset with me because I wanted to find out who I was.”

Mr. Ballantyne said he received a similar reaction when he told his parents of plans to travel to Korea.

The Donaldson Adoption Institute’s study concludes that such trips are among the many ways that parents and adoption agencies could help adoptees deal with their struggle with identity and race. But both Ms. Towns and Mr. Ballantyne said that while traveling to South Korea was an eye-opening experience in many ways, it was also disheartening.

Many Koreans, they said, did not consider them to be “real Koreans” because they did not speak the language or seem to understand the culture.

Mr. Ballantyne tracked down his maternal grandmother, but when he met her, he said, she scolded him for not learning Korean before he came.

“She was the one who had put me up for adoption,” he said. “So that just created tension between us. Even as I was leaving, she continued to say I needed to learn Korean before I came by again.”

Sonya Wilson, adopted in 1976 by a white family in Clarissa, Minn., says that although she shares many of the experiences of those interviewed in the study — she grew up as the only Asian in a town of 600 — policy changes must address why children are put up for adoption, and should do more to help single women in South Korea keep their children. “This study does not address any of these issues,” Ms. Wilson said.

Ms. Young said the study was helpful, but that it came too late to help people like her.

“I wish someone had done something like this when I was growing up,” she said.

Source: New York Times

Comments

[rachellovee.livejournal.com]

Aww. Well, I'm glad she finally came in touch with her Asian side :)

[ellystage.livejournal.com]

Interesting read.

It is important to find who you are.

[locofruitcake.livejournal.com]

It's kinda sad, but the good thing is, the study will be helpful for others in future? :/

Having culture camps seem a bit too much though, I can understand why they felt like they'd stand out more D:

[tribuo-venerati.livejournal.com]

I'm a second generation Korean American with Korean Korean parents, but I still experienced what many of these adoptees went through during their childhood - albeit in a lesser degree. I grew up with white classmates in a white neighborhood all the way up through high school, and I didn't come to terms of my "Koreanness" until very recently. Now I actually get teased by my brother and friends who find it amusing that I like Big Bang and watch Korean variety shows on Youtube.

Anyways, I'm sure these adoptees struggled a lot more than I did so I can't imagine how painful and confusing it must've been. I just hope this study helps more people in the future.

[xdonghaewifeyx.livejournal.com]

Now I actually get teased by my brother and friends who find it amusing that I like Big Bang and watch Korean variety shows on Youtube.

*high-fives* Props to you ;D

[honeydewkist.livejournal.com]

Same here with the childhood stuff. >>;

[invisibelle.livejournal.com]

See, I was thinking the same - pretty much every Asian American I know seems to have gone through at least some semblance of this, especially the rejection from FOBs when they don't speak the language.

Oddly, everyone I know who is 2nd generation like you is less interested in Korean things than I am (note: I'm white). Some of them even admit it's 'cause they're kinda bitter, or in one case even that it was his parents that were bitter so they purposefully didn't expose him.

*shrug*

[tribuo-venerati.livejournal.com]

Haha, I can get into a huge sociological discussion about this. Anyways, you're right, I'm sure many 2nd generation Korean Americans like myself have through some variant of this experience. I just happened to grow up in predominantly middle to upper-middle class white area and attended private schools where I was always one of the very few Asian kids.

[gunsandsmoke.livejournal.com]

ditto on everything. i am very dramatic as well, so i get bucketloads of angst in high school and had such major conflicts with my parents everyday (total breakdown of communication), i can't even imagine how difficult it might be with some adoptees who aren't taught about their own culture :c

[vanillacat.livejournal.com]

"And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group."

I dunno, maybe it's because of the area I grew up in, but I thought they'd be at least be accepted by the "Asian-Americans"?

See, the way it works where I live is that there are the truly "fob": hardxcore, still dress very fobby and don't necessarily understand American culture norms (like, say, having a dude wear a Victoria's Secret sweatshirt), speak Korean with each other and thus are only friends with other Koreans. If they don't speak Korean 100% of the time, they make heavy use of Konglish and still rarely have non-Korean friends.

Then, there are the just plain "Asian-Americans", whose friends are still majority Asian, but it's all types of Asians - Korean, Chinese, Viet, the rare Japanese person we get here, etc. So they speak English with each other and are maybe only similar in appearance and, I dunno, the fact that they use chopsticks at home or whatever. I guess there's a general collective background of "Asian", but there's not much besides that. There's some "wasians" in this group too, kids with one Asian parent and one white parent, and a lot of times random white people will end up in the group through connections (such as myself).

I'd be surprised if even the "Asian-Americans" didn't welcome the adopted Asian kid, but I guess if the adopted kid lives somewhere where that group doesn't exist... but I think it's more along the lines of what the one person said; she was self-isolating by purposefully not interacting with Asians.


edit: Fuck, I wanna go to a "culture camp". 8D I'd be like "Uh... I'm not Korean, but I'm eager to learn?"

[xdonghaewifeyx.livejournal.com]

edit: Fuck, I wanna go to a "culture camp". 8D I'd be like "Uh... I'm not Korean, but I'm eager to learn?"

LMFAO ♥

[invisibelle.livejournal.com]

I think you're probably right, but it only takes a few people to mess the whole experience up.

My best friend won't even watch a single k-drama because of how a few koreans treated her. But i know most would never have been that way. sigh

[p-evans.livejournal.com]

Gosh it must be hard growing up without a definite identity (culturally and ethically) like that. :[

OT: Her in the first photo really reminds me of Tasha.

[rawthorne.livejournal.com]

While I agree that policy should focus on helping single mothers keep their children and investigate ways that could prevent so many children being put up for abortion, I don't think the ideal situation would be one in which white parents stop adopting Korean (or other non-white) babies.

Adoption is not the preferred situation and in an ideal world, every child would stay with its birth parents, but depriving children of a loving family - even one with a different skin color - is still better than life in an orphanage with no family. In one instance, even if your birth parents gave you up for X reasons, your adoptive parents, at least, made the choice to have you and raise you as part of the family.

[scarletfbl.livejournal.com]

I agree so much with this. People seem to forget that these children need families, and we shouldn't deny them that based on things like skin color.

[maisoui.livejournal.com]

IAWTC

[risu-risu.livejournal.com]

preach.

preventing or trying to prevent qualified people from adopting wouldn't be in the best interest of the children.

[invisibelle.livejournal.com]

IA.

[chanbanana.livejournal.com]

My dad is an adoptee as well. Well, he's not Asian, but he can relate to this. When he was a teen/early 20s he wanted to find out about his biological family, even though he was afraid of hurting his parents. While his parents pushed him to do it, he said he could sense they didn't like the idea so he never went through with it.

I think what most families need to understand is that if you're adopting a child outside of your race you need to accept that one day they're going to ask "Mom/Dad? I don't look like you. Why is that?" or "Where is my biological family from?" It's completely natural to be curious, and I think the adopted children should be able to find out the truth when the ask.

And as for adoption in Korea... well. Basically what my friend explained to me (her parents divorced and she was ashamed of telling people this. kind of irrelevant but you can see how the family ties are in Korea) that basically if you're unwed and pregnant you should either give it up for adoption, abort, or get married. A lot of them don't get married so unwed women either get abortions or go for adoption route. This is coming from one friend, so the whole truthiness here is biased on what she said :P.

[omgcats.livejournal.com]

No, you're right. There was an article about unwed mothers and adoption in Korea posted here not too long ago, actually.

[clayray3290.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this read - I do a program for adopted Korean kids and it was a fascinating read.

It is my personal opinion that Korean adoptees are just like Korean-Americans in that we all will have these identity issues. The thing is that adoptees have the additional layer to deal with and also it is more difficult for them to get access to the Korean culture since their parents don't necessarily have the means to present the culture to them. At the same time, trying too hard to immerse adoptees in the culture isn't right either; Korean adoptees will never be the same as Koreans living in Korea, just as 3rd-generation Korean-Americans will never be the same as Koreans living in Korea.

I think that change needs to be made within the Korean community and also in the Korean-American community. As Sonya Wilson said in the article, policy changes to address the situation in Korea is important. But I also think that the Korean-American community needs to be more accepting as well. There are lots of things that the Korean-American community and the Korean adoption community share. I know that some Korean schools and Korean churches have left adoptive families being excluded and I don't think that's right.

Basically, there is that really careful balance and it's going to be difficult to attain that. But I think there's hope for progress and more exposure to this issue is going to help to inspire discussion and hopefully lead to change for the better.

[aanjali.livejournal.com]

I'm a Korean adoptee too and I can understand what she felt I think.
I massively rejected Asian culture when I was younger, I didn't want to talk to Asian people, I couldn't see me other than White of course since nobody was like me (and I grew up in the countryside...)

I know I also have identity "issues" because I don't really know who I am but I don't wanna know what happened to me when I was a baby, not yet... maybe one day but for the moment I don't have an urge to enquire who my biological parents.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I had stayed in Korea but that's all and I'm glad I'm not "suffering" like her but who knows... a change can happen in the future, 24 years old is still young after all ^^

That was interesting to read.

[fuuism.livejournal.com]

Great read.

The report also found that the children were teased and experienced racial discrimination, often from teachers. And only a minority of the respondents said they felt welcomed by members of their own ethnic group.

It's kind of unrelated but I hear stories from the Japanese communities in Brazil and there's so much elitism against the nikkei. Being adopted is hard enough without having to deal with ethnic issues.

[maisoui.livejournal.com]

I feel like it's almost too difficult.

If the family emphasizes too much on the fact that the child is foreign born, the child might feel like they don't belong in their adoptive family.

If the family doesn't emphasize enough that the child is foreign born they'll have all these identity crises.

I wouldn't even know where to begin to find this delicate balance. :(

[katie-libertine.livejournal.com]

Very interesting! Does anyone know where I can find the original study?

[glasstonepearls.livejournal.com]

hm, one of my friends was adopted from korea, but she's very intouch with her asian side, even telling her white friends (which is most of them) about kpop.
i suppose it depends on the person/adoptive parents.

[rissytastik.livejournal.com]

personally, i dont think this type of situation only happen to adoptees, but to all colored ppl who now live in a different country besides that of an asian environment
because i can relate to the person very well, but im not adopted at all, i just grew up in an environment secluded from direct asian culture as in the areas ive lived have very few asians thus making(made) it hard for me to connect to asian cultures on a personal basis, although my household was run that by that of an asian environment
i just always felt as if i was one of the caucasian ppl
but this could also have been brought on by the fact that i used to be bullied too because i was different, leading me to almost regarding caucasians as a higher race
and ive only realised that i have doing this all my life until last year, when i begun to accept myself and its important to promote and educate ppl about their own cultures and heritage regardless of their status of being adopted or not

[baeby-bloo-skys.livejournal.com]

My parents are both Korean and met and married in the States; they also don't speak English fluently. My older brother and I have been to Korea twice: once when I was in Kindergarten, and this past summer. My hometown in SoCal has a large Asian population, and the majority of my friends happen to be Korean or Chinese. You would think I'd be "in touch" with my Korean side, but even I have had to come to terms with my identity, and who I am. While I now feel as if I know who I am, and I have been able to find a way to balance the Korean and American aspects of myself, my brother and cousins seem to reject their Korean heritage. If it's this complicated for someone in my position, imagine how much more difficult it must be for these adoptees. I'm glad more attention is being paid to this.

[iheartdarkblue.livejournal.com]

I've never had an identity issue at all. ^____^ Asian pride ftw! I'm very glad I live in such a culturally diverse (okay technically it's not so diverse because the majority is Asian) area. But I am sure there are many other Asians who live in my area that do have a racial identity crisis and I do hope they can come to terms with and accept who they are.

[invisibelle.livejournal.com]

This article kinda made me sad, because it seems like it was all negative. I don't think transracial adoption should be discouraged just because of the potential for identity confusion. If you wanted to prevent that then you'd have to stop immigrants from having 2nd generation kids, and interracial marriages from having children too.

I think about this a lot, because I'm totally whitebread American but I married an Asian FOB. My kids are going to be all kinds of confused, but I sure as hell won't be sending them to any camps.