Bullying at a deeper level

[theemii.livejournal.com]

Article: Mothers and their children find themselves 'bullied' out of peer groups... the power of Gangnam 'pig mothers'

Source: Money Today via Nate

The mother of a son heading into sixth grade is feeling pretty distressed as his winter break begins. She's recently found out that the mothers of a peer group she used to be a part of in fifth grade have left her behind to create another group. Not only that, but they have all sent their kids to another famous after school academy for the winter break without telling her.

She hasn't been able to hold her head up ever since her son's grades began rapidly dropping. She used to lead the group when he was in the fourth grade but after his class rank started dropping in fifth grade, so did her position in the group.

Although his grades still average out at 92, she's now excluded from the KakaoTalk room the mothers share. As a last resort, she searches to join another mother's group from another school but they're not accepting of her so easily.

It's an unfortunate reality where the 'levels' of mothers are now being divided according to the grades of their children. The phenomenon is spreading among elementary schools in Seoul and Gangnam, and mothers are at the edges of their seats whenever it's time for midterm and final grades to come out.

Mothers whose children are at the top of their classes and can afford to send them to the most famous after school academies are now being called 'pig mothers', and are often seen as the holders of powers within their respective groups. 'Pig mothers' usually hold positions in parent-teacher organizations and form groups for the most famous after school programs.

After sending their kids off to school, the mothers get together at a cafe and share information on not only after school academies and teachers, but specific parents who don't seem like they're paying much attention to their children's education and children who are ranked at the bottom of the class.

One elementary school teacher revealed, "Whenever a new school year begins, I often receive calls from parents requesting that their children not be put in the same class as a child who they have deemed to be bothersome to their child's education."

Once your child's grades begin dropping, so does your position in the pig mother's group. Rumors about your kid dropping even one point in rank will spread rapidly among the mothers and you'll find yourself eventually bullied out of the group.

Elementary school student Kim who attends a famous after school academy for gifted students revealed, "A new group was formed over this break and some of my friends who couldn't keep up had to quit. My mom told me not to become close with kids who don't study."

Working mother Lee added, "I messaged a few mothers around me to ask for some information on preparing my kid for junior high and they all ignored me. I don't know what to do. I should've kept up with these mothers beforehand."


A psychology professor at Seoul University explained, "The reason mothers obsess over their children's grades is because of their desire to become associated with a top position. There's a need to change society's assumption that you can only live a successful and happy life if you study well."

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1. [+1,823, -25] So pathetic... What do you expect the kids to learn. No wonder the country is in the state it is now...


2. [+1,834, -38] I bet all you ajummas alienate the other ajummas who don't have hundreds of thousands in the bank too

3. [+112, -7] Obviously trying to live vicariously through their children since they sucked at studying themselves ㅋㅋㅋㅋ

4. [+101, -15] (TN: This example is used a lot to criticize the way Korean society views education compared to other countries) The difference in reactions upon seeing a janitor sweeping the streets:
Vietnamese Mother: It's because of people like them that we're able to live in a clean place!
Korean Mother: You're going to end up like him if you don't study!

5. [+82, -1] Why don't these mothers know that kids learn and pick up more things from seeing their mother live a hard working and fruitful life instead of forcing so many things onto them? These children will only grow up to be more and more independent on their parents, like kangaroo babies..

6. [+69, -1] They want to brag about their smart child, brag that they're the parent of a successful child.. Don't ever say this is for your children. It's to fulfill your own greed.

7. [+55, -1] Reminds me of that incident... when a child asked her mother, "Mom, there's a bullied kid in my class, what should I do?" and the mother told her, "Don't hang out with her ever in case her misfortune comes to you." And then that kid commit suicide.


8. [+44, -1] They won't learn until their own kid is bullied. All they're giving their kid is stress. What a dirty world where our level as a human being is divided according to class points.

Source: Netizenbuzz

How do you guys feel about this? Can't imagine how it would feel to be left out of something based on your (kids) grades :/

Comments

[laeryn.livejournal.com]

WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.

But no, wait, this really is crazy. For one, I find it so childish of the mothers to behave that way. Not sure if childish is the word, but definitely works too because that is absolutely crazy. I'm repeating myself but wow. And second, what kind of message are they trying to send to their kids? What are they teaching them? It's so freakingly fucked up that I don't have words. These kids are screwed up enough with the pressure they got on themselves over school, and their own bullying, that they now have to see their mothers behaving like this/going through this? Fantastic. Just fantastic.

Success is important. And it's great to be ambitious and to have a desire to improve. But success takes different shapes* for every person and success does not define a person's worth as a human being. This behaviour, though, paints a pretty good picture of it. I for one wouldn't want to have anything to do with those mothers.


*(is this the word? My English is failing me here, sorry)

[lulufairybubble.livejournal.com]

*forms ?
shapes works but I think 'forms' is the word you're looking for.

[torontok.livejournal.com]

My main worry here is for the kids.If you can gte kicked out for even a few point drops then can you imagine the pressure some of these mothers put their kids under?
I'm no stranger to a study culture, as I'm currently studying in Pakistan and we're basically told to view other students as enemies and where a kid who got 47 A's is declared a national hero.And its not unusual to have kids getting four hours of sleep a night because theyre studyng till 3 in the morning (i was one of them).But at a certain point the culture becomes toxic.its great to encourage your kids to do well but not to the point where theyre sacrificing their health and social life for it
I think it would be inetersting to see how many of these women are working mothers.

[gray-fairy.livejournal.com]

.its great to encourage your kids to do well but not to the point where theyre sacrificing their health and social life for it

MFTE. Plus studying so many hours doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get better grades. There's this guy in my current class that only studies a couple hours a day and he always gets straight A's. On the other hand I know another girl who studies 4-5 hours a day (sometimes even more) and she's failing everything :/

[unbroken-glass.livejournal.com]

my mother would not give one shit about being in a group like that. it's so distressing how South Korea's perception of education is so skewed (at least to me). Isn't there a Minister of Education? What is he/she doing? The system has evidently needed to be reformed for a few years now.

Something my father told me as a child that I will always remember is that society doesn't only need people who are "smart". Societies cannot depend on professionals alone, we need garbage men, roadside cleaners, technicians, small shop owners, etc etc. So unless South Korea is planning on importing many foreign workers in the future to do the "dirty jobs", i doubt that there will be kids who will view those jobs as being valuable to society, given the current state of education.

tldr omg but these are my thoughts :/

[laeryn.livejournal.com]

And imagine how they'll view the people DOING those jobs. Or how they'll view themselves if they end up having to take up those jobs.

[lulufairybubble.livejournal.com]

I think it's dumb and even though it may hurt the parents, it's even more damaging to the child.
The mom should give zero fucks about that group and just care about her child.

[in-noctem.livejournal.com]

"7. [+55, -1] Reminds me of that incident... when a child asked her mother, "Mom, there's a bullied kid in my class, what should I do?" and the mother told her, "Don't hang out with her ever in case her misfortune comes to you." And then that kid commit suicide."

Was that kid talking about himself or am I misinterpreting this ;_;

[lechuza-yoya.livejournal.com]

I think so, I read like that too but i was some what, like :wait what!?

[leorizanzel.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure what the connotation behind the term "pig mother" is, but if it means "a selfish, greedy mother" then yeah, I can get behind that. I don't give a single fuck about these mothers and their stupid little cliques; it's their kids I'm worried about. I went to a small elementary school where the PTA ruled the school and their children got preferential treatment from the teachers, but this is so much worse. :/

[nana-the-dwarf.livejournal.com]

They're all idiots, and only adding to their kid's pressure to fit in and be accepted.

Smh, thay're all supposed to be grown ass people, act like one. Be a good role model for your children, don't want your stupidity to rub off on your them.

Omg, at netizen #7. That's beyond fucked up, hope it isn't true.

[johnnyquest89.livejournal.com]

fuck em. take your kid to lotte world and enjoy the time you have with them.

[honeebs.livejournal.com]

I feel so sorry for these women, that's is all I have to say on the subject. Oh I hope these kids come out of this crap ok.

[cuizy.livejournal.com]

Well..... Kids are left out of things here for having good grades so......

It's funny, I read a post where Asian netizens talked about how they can't believe kids with good grades would be bullied or outcast in NA culture...... I guess I can't also understand how good grades are so praised by peers and parents in korea

[ashiva.livejournal.com]

This is some next level madness.

Anyhow Korea needs some TV series that introduces people who succeeded in life even if they didn't ace it in school. Also show that you can be happy even if you wouldn't be making millions of dollars.

[tempestdance.livejournal.com]

meh, like who? i thought of zuckerberg and jobs but even then they're harvard dropouts.
and i feel like it's just worse in s korea, education is such a huge factor in judging people. not that it's right.

[gray-fairy.livejournal.com]

That kinda happens here too tbh (even though not at this level ofc). If someone's children have bad grades or don't go to university, their acquintances and "friends" totally look them down and start to treat them as they were inferior :/. I know a few cases in my own family. It's really nasty.

What are "after school" academies though?

[hipployta.livejournal.com]

The hagwons for addtional study they ship the kids to after school until late at night...Korea had to actually PASS A LAW to prevent late night and overnight hagwons...which people still violate

[asnindie.livejournal.com]

Honestly speaking sometimes I see smart kids in the UK make terrible decisions and I like that education is held highly in Korea, in the UK the media is intent on completely ruining the working class and continues to spread poison but this is just ridiculous. These mothers are the worst kinds of people, who'll have a death grip on their children's lives forever. Ugh get a hobby and let your child find their own way.

[4minutesluts.livejournal.com]

there's a huge gulf between valuing education highly and putting so much pressure on students that they become suicidal if they fail though

[hipployta.livejournal.com]

Wow...obsession with grades filtering into the Parenting groups behavior...yeah that won't end well

[kaninasan.livejournal.com]

i feel so sorry for those kids omg, i wonder if they get to have any fun in their free time... i can't imagine they'll grow up to be happy, well rounded people.

the culture here is so different, every year there's an uproar over how our primary schools are doing awful compared to like Finland and Singapore, but honestly we do fine. i went to an academic secondary school and out of the 23 kids in my class, 2 went to grad school at MIT, one to Princeton, 3 went to Oxford, and i think 3 more (including myself) went on to grad school in unis that are ranked in the top 15 worldwide. And what got a lot of us into those schools were extracurricular activities, sports, music, traveling, working part time jobs, fluency in english and other foreign languages etc, sth we had an advantage in bc of our culture.

i was also raised with the mindset that everyone is equally important to the community, doesn't matter if it's the cleaning lady, a garbage man, a CEO or a professor.

[lilybeth84.livejournal.com]

Congratulations for not being born in America.


I'm serious.

[21banged.livejournal.com]

That is seriously so messed up and netizen number 6 is spot on - don't ever say that it's for the sake of your children

[tempestdance.livejournal.com]

i think the modern society is losing its motivation to be moral and be basically human, all for the sake of success, and it's more prominent in south korea with its modern history after 1950s. it's tragic.

the sadder thing is the mothers probably don't even think it's bullying, they're just fellow mothers acting like business partners for their kids' sake, not really friends, making it less remorseful to kick people out of their group.

[ababobaby.livejournal.com]

this is unbelievable. i know mothers can be.. you know when it comes to grades, but this is on a whole nother level

[princetabi.livejournal.com]

wth. I could never raise my child in Korea. Not to generalize bc I'm sure not all parents are like that, but education and status are taken so seriously...I couldn't live like that.

[justkyhdding.livejournal.com]

A lot of this has to be due to a combination of population and importance on education. in fact this is kinda why kids go down the idol path, it's seen as a viable alternative

[sub-divided.livejournal.com]

Yeah I always wondered why so many kids would want to work the insane idol hours for like almost no pay but when you consider they'd be working insane hours anyway to get into a good school it makes a lot more sense.

[bishieaddict.livejournal.com]

What is this...high school? oh wait..

[trowa.livejournal.com]

people never seem to believe me when I tell them korean children are essentially pokemon, and our mothers use us to battle other mothers. this is not new. it's been going on for years.

game hint to any parents: beating your children is not a cheat code to getting better grades

[gardevoiir.livejournal.com]

people never seem to believe me when I tell them korean children are essentially pokemon, and our mothers use us to battle other mothers.

I'M SORRY I KNOW I SHOULDN'T LAUGH BC THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY SERIOUS BUT THIS SENTENCE I JUST

[cotxpaxi.livejournal.com]

lol.. i was bullied out of my job teaching at a hagwon. i mean it was fine until one day a group of mothers said they'd pull their kids out if i wasn't replaced overnight. they won of course. ugh it was so dumb. idek know whyyyyyy. but i'm over it now :)

[lainmyownworld.livejournal.com]

>:(

[katzsong.livejournal.com]

And SK students are already the unhappiest student in the world, now the mothers have to be unhappy as well? This is sad :(
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jakel11/where-in-the-world-you-can-find-the-best-schools-and-the-hap

[caramelorchoco.livejournal.com]

oh malaysia
blissfully ignorant students, yeap, sounds about right

[unbewithable.livejournal.com]

4. [+101, -15] (TN: This example is used a lot to criticize the way Korean society views education compared to other countries) The difference in reactions upon seeing a janitor sweeping the streets:
Vietnamese Mother: It's because of people like them that we're able to live in a clean place!
Korean Mother: You're going to end up like him if you don't study!

this hits pretty close to home to me.
i have a grandpa that calls my sister every month to ask her about how is she doing in med school and pretty much ignores me every holiday after dropped out of uni to study art and decided i'm really happy being "just a teacher". he once told me that i'm lucky to have such an intelligent sister to support me after she finishes college since i won't be able to, which hurt.
i know most parents have the best in mind when they want their children to study hard t be successful, but this is just too much.